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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543386">all the things we will become</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ringwil/pseuds/Ringwil'>Ringwil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Infiltration, Infiltrator!Rin, Kirigakure | Hidden Mist Village, Kirigakure!Rin, Spy!Rin, nohara rin-centric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 09:21:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543386</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ringwil/pseuds/Ringwil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a beast in her belly and there is a choice to be made. Rin has never been so sure.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi &amp; Namikaze Minato &amp; Nohara Rin &amp; Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi &amp; Nohara Rin, Hatake Kakashi &amp; Nohara Rin &amp; Uchiha Obito, Namikaze Minato &amp; Nohara Rin, Nohara Rin &amp; Uchiha Obito, Nohara Rin &amp; Uzumaki Kushina</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all the things we will become</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is super angsty and melodramatic (and also a little sappy), which is just how I like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All the things we will become</p><p>There is a beast in her belly and there is a choice to be made. Rin has never been so sure. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p> There's a glass with ice cubes floating in it on the table. A bouquet of carnations, deeply colored, the stems cut sideways. She wipes her sleeve over her face, but nothing comes off. Her expression, with pinched lips and too-tight eyes, is stuck there.</p><p>A knock on the door. She adjusts her face, pulls down her shoulders, until her hands drown in her long sleeves. She can already feel the apathetic eyes, and knows that they despise weakness. </p><p>“You're here. Good,” the voice says and she keeps her gaze on the ground. Cracks are meandering through the concrete. There's almost something dainty about the curling edges. Vivid and precise, as if made by a sharpened pencil. “Nine?”</p><p>“Yes, sir. But I look younger.”</p><p>“I can see that.”</p><p>He pauses, and edges closer. She dares a look at his face. Cheeks flushed red, a water stain on his uniform. His head is balding and whatever hair is left is streaked back against his scalp. A glossy pucker of pink scar tissue peeks around his ear. </p><p>“You're barely a genin.” </p><p>She can't help the spasming of her hands, and stuffs them under her legs. The inside of her knees are warm and sticky, and her palms grow clammy. “I've done six C-ranks, and two A-ranks, sir,” she hastens to say. </p><p>Do not disappoint me, her father said. It is as much part of her day as the blisters on the soles of her feet. Even here, in this bleak office, with bookcases covering the walls, and the  Commander in front of her, the words spiral through her mind. </p><p>“Impressive,” the man says, and the smile comes before she can stop herself. The pulling of her jaw, a baring of her teeth. She swallows and pushes it away. Pride is an illusion here, and far too risky. </p><p>“We're anticipating a war. Do you know what that means?”</p><p>She tucks her heels underneath her stool. The aftertaste of her breakfast enters her mouth. “Yes, sir.”</p><p>“Then you also know that sacrifices need to be made.”</p><p>She looks up at that, and meets the Commander's gaze. His irises are a flimsy blue, and colder than a winter's day. </p><p>“Yes, sir.” The words come out in a whisper.</p><p>“Good.” He pulls out a dossier, and sets it down on the table in front of her. “From now on, your name is Nohara Rin.”</p><p>It takes three months to get to Konoha. Rin sits in the wagon with the other girls, and watches the landscape slowly pass by. Her skin is tanner than ever, her hair a tangled and unkempt ball in her neck. </p><p>In the evening they stop and make a fire. Rin tucks her blanket around her, and trails her fingertips over the long senbon in her boots. She enjoys the scorching cold of the metal against her hand. Her cyanide pill is safely tucked in the hidden pouch under her shirt.</p><p>“Nohara, right?” </p><p>The man who asks the question is tall and lean, with a cleanly shaven face. Blue eyes glitter violet in the light of the fire, and Rin nods.</p><p>“A merchant clan,” the man says, and crouches down beside her. He dusts his trousers off, aims a winning smile at her. “I knew some Nohara men. Sold me good wares.”</p><p>“We're known for that,” Rin says.</p><p>“Why are you traveling alone?”</p><p>Rin makes sure she doesn't stiffen. Instead, she roams her gaze over his face, and tries to find the signs of suspicion she's been taught to recognize; a pulling around the eyes, the slightest twitch of the lips – less than a second, almost indiscernible, but there all the same. But the signs are nonexistent, and she turns to the fire, and basks in the wall of warmth sent her way.</p><p>“My father died,” she lies.“Tuberculosis, you see. My mother died before that, but I'm pretty sure that was because my sister was stillborn.”</p><p>The silence around them is heavy. “My son was stillborn, too,” the man offers. He stares down at his calloused hands and Rin looks at the scar on his wrists; horizontal lines of thick skin. “Some people cannot handle the pain. Even I'm not sure I can sometime.”</p><p>“My father said she died of a broken heart,” Rin says, and wonders why there is bile at the back of her throat. </p><p>The man's face crumples for a moment, before he swallowes visibly. A hand sidles over to rest on her forearm. “You'll be okay, little lass,” he tells her, and Rin does her best not to think about her real father, who had never wanted to touch her in any way. “We'll make it through to the end.”</p><p>Rin places her hand in his. His fingers twitch against hers, but he doesn't pull away. He watches the flames, while she watches him. When he begins to speak about his little boy, his little Souta, the miracle who would have taken the world by storm if he lived, Rin listens. She doesn't have the heart to tell him that Souta would have probably been an ordinary kind of man, at best. Rin lets him bask in that illusion, the one only a parent's love can conquer up. She replaces every drop of Souta with her own name in her head, and smiles. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>She has spent her whole childhood at the seaside, salt on her tongue and water lapping at her feet. The sound of crashing waves and the crunch of sand under her boots – those are the sounds she knows and loves. </p><p>Konoha doesn't have any of that. Konoha is dirt and woods with thick growth through which no light can penetrate. As the caravan continues down the road, Rin stares at the giant tree trunks and wonders how she can ever feel at home here. There is no water to lose herself in, no mist for her to hide.</p><p>“Almost there,” Takeshi tells her. He is the man from the campfire, and he has donned his best clothes, with a hat that hides most of his stringy white hair. “Your hair,” he says, with a nod. She reaches up to cup her knotted braid. “Do you want me to cut it?”</p><p>Rin knows better than to let an unknown near her neck with something sharp, even though the man is only a civilian. Or at least pretending to be – she'll never know. Rin Nohara is a civilian girl too, and she is nothing but a fake.</p><p>They reach Konoha's gate by nightfall. Three chunin in green vests command them to leave the caravan. One of them beckons her, and she goes willingly, aware of the hammering of her heart in her chest. She can only hope none of them notice, or else just attribute it to a civilian's nerves.</p><p>“Papers,” the man commands briskly. She fishes the documents out of her bag and watches with numb horror as he flips through them. “State your purpose here.”</p><p>“I've come to live with my grandmother, sir,” she says, her voice high. It shakes a little. </p><p>The chunin waves her through, his eyes already the next passenger. Rin peers over her shoulder for Takeshi, to give him the semblance of a goodbye, but she can't find him amidst the crowd and soon a chunin's hand clamps down on her shoulder, giving her a hard shove. “Get a move on!”</p><p>She stumbles into Konoha. It is nothing like Kiri. Where there should be high, granite buildings, she finds smaller ones, full of colors, with a mountain of Hokage's faces towering over them. It should be beautiful. It should be magnificent. But it takes her breath away for all the wrong reasons.</p><p>With burning eyes and a clenched jaw, she makes her way through the streets, the winding alleys full of cobblestones. She finds her address at last, the little strip of paper crushed in her palm and knocks on the door.</p><p>The woman who opens it is elderly, with grey hair in two twin braids and square, purple tattoos on both cheeks. Her face, wrinkled and pockmarked, twists. “Get in,” she hisses and Rin steps obediently forward. </p><p>The inside of the house is cool and lush. And if Rin closes her eyes, she can almost imagine she's somewhere else. </p><p>“You do look like my granddaughter,” the woman says. “I can see why they choose you.”</p><p>The woman plucks up a picture frame from a cabinet. Rin stares at the girl's face. It is round and pale, like her own, framed by brown hair. It's more of an auburn shade, and less of a chocolatey brown she herself possesses, but it's not a deal breaker. No, the real problem is - </p><p>“Her tattoos,” the woman hisses. “Follow me.”</p><p>She leads them to a small, but homely living room. Sunlight comes in through the window and bathes the room in golden warmth. “Sit,” the woman instructs, and fetches a needle and a bowl full of a purple substance.</p><p>“To think I have to give my clan symbols,” the woman says lowly, “to a nobody. It's a disgrace.”<br/>“We all have our mission,” Rin says, and it's meant as a peace offering, as a what-can-you-do. But the woman's eyes go tight and she digs the needle into Rins cheek without another word.</p><p>They don't speak much after that. Not even when the woman (“Call me Gran, girl. We wouldn't want anyone to get suspicious.”) shows her to her room and slams the door behind her. Not even the following morning, when Rin slips downstairs and takes in her new home. </p><p>They won't ever be a family, no matter whose face and name Rin now wears – that she knows. But she will pretend, even in private, that she is loved. In bed, she will nurse fantasies that Granny placed a loving kiss on top of her brow and tucked her in. At the kitchen table, she will pretend Granny laughed and made this porridge only for her. She will pretend that the sharp gaze of the woman is caring instead, and protective, and happy. </p><p>To do otherwise is detrimental to her mission. At least, that is what she tells herself. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>Konoha's Academy is a joke, but Rin can't find it in her to laugh.</p><p>Her classmates are three years younger. They play tag during recess, doodle in their notebooks, and chat freely while their teacher drones on at the front of the room. In Kiri, that wouldn't have been accepted. In Kiri, that would have earned them a broken jaw.</p><p>It is easy to lose herself in the routine. Her classmates, though younger, are kind and friendly, and it's easy enough to cultivate friendships. Easy enough, to insert herself in groups of fresh-faced girls, with silky hair and matching schoolbags. </p><p>For them, it is all an adventure. The war is a distant thing on the horizon, and it doesn't really matter to them. Not now, at least, when the newest fashion magazines and complaining about homework occupy most of their days. Rin tries to understand, tries not to judge, but it is hard not to despise them when she knows the outside world is unkind and often cruel. In Kiri, they would have coffins with their names on it. </p><p>Obito Uchiha watches her during the lessons. Something about his gaze makes her skin prickle, makes her reach for her waistband, where her weapon pouch should be. All she finds is a fistful of fabric, and that makes her restless. There is nothing here to protect herself with. </p><p>In an other life, she might have taken the boy under her wing. “Stop mothering,” her first sensei had said, back in Kiri. Her teammate had been Ari No Surname, a tiny green-haired boy. She shoved another ration bar into that tiny pudgy hand, watching the boy's face light up. </p><p>“It comes with having a lot of siblings,” she'd joked. “Sir,” she added quickly, because for all that Sho-sensei was quick to smile, he was even quicker with his hands.</p><p>She watched as he turned away with a grimace, never catching the lie. Her brothers had never looked at her twice, and neither of her parents were in any way paternal. But it was her who rose in the night, to check upon the twins or to rock them when they cried. She didn't love them. Didn't think she could, for all the sleepless nights she sacrificed for them. But nobody else would go and care for them. Nobody else would feed them.</p><p>Rin knows what that's like. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>Rin Nohara is sweet and quick-witted. Her teachers love her for her charm, for the way she sits up in class, for the way she never fails to listen or fall silent when they speak. Her classmates deem her easy-going and quick to laugh, and there is never a lack of girls to link arms with. Rin Nohara is loved. </p><p>It is no surprise when Obito Uchiha falls in love with her. Why shouldn't he? She is kind to him, even though most don't acknowledge his existence. Rin is always dressed proper and her hair is like silk. Rin Nohara is perfect.</p><p>He bounces up to her in lessons, trips over himself in his effort to impress her when they go outside for spars. He tries desperately to make her laugh. He is like Ari No Surname, brash and loud, and unfailingly kind. </p><p>Obito Uchiha is not easy to dislike.</p><p>And yet she tries. Each time he hollers her name, she thinks about a senbon in her hand and driving it through his throat, even as guilt blooms up right after. When he is late again and again, for helping an old woman, for saving a dog from choking on a chicken bone, she tells herself she will turn around and leave him behind. But her feet never move. </p><p>When will she get over her habit of collecting strays?</p><p>“Rin-chan!” Obito exclaims from the other side of the playground. He bounces up to her, his goggles quivering on his head with every step. “How are ya?”</p><p>“Well, thank you, Obito-kun. Are you looking forward to Watanabe-san's class?”</p><p>“Nah. He's so boring - “ Then he falls silent, his gaze fixed on something in the distance. Rin follows his gaze and finds it fixed on the Hatake boy. He brushes through the crowd, withstanding the girls' coos and hoots with a straight face. Rin watches Obito ball his fists with amusement, before she lets her gaze linger on Hatake again. </p><p>There is a scroll with his name on it tucked underneath a floorboard in her bedroom. In a fortnight, a stoat will crawl inside the house and she will give him this and more. In return, the animal will leave a message. A note with a name or goal that she must complete. </p><p>When she lies in bed, she wonders who is writing her messages. Who is reading her information. Maybe it is someone she knows. Maybe it is her first sensei, or her second. Her third is dead. Maybe it is one of the shinobi she passed in the streets and they will think about her, filled with pride of what she is doing for her Village.</p><p>“I don't get what they like about him.” There is a mulish set to Obito's jaw.</p><p>“He is a prodigy,” Rin tells him, and to lessen the blow, she laces his fingers with her own. He stiffens at that and then noticeably sags. “I heard he's set to graduate in a month.”</p><p>And wasn't that a surprise? Konoha seemed so soft, so protective of its inhabitants. But a Village is a Village, and Konoha must feel the storm looming ahead. Rin would almost call them desperate, sending a five-year-old out like this, if she wasn't familiar with Kiri's similar customs.</p><p>He is clever and strong. Talented for his age, sure, and his sensei will nurture that talent, nourish that flame until it burns hot and bright. Plus, he is far from clanless. The Hatake Clan is small but respected, and Rin knows far more intimately than most what a clan name means. Konoha doesn't have an official caste system, but it's there in the little things. In the way the Uchiha students sneer at the civilian ones. In the way Rin never seems to outperform the Hyuga in her class, even though she is certain she could kill him in a moment, and sew scars like embroidery over his body.</p><p>But the Nohara clan is civilian. A merchant one. Not at the bottom of the pole – not by far. But not near the top either. </p><p>Konoha is good in pretending, Rin realizes. But then again, so is she. Perhaps this is the perfect place for her after all. </p><p>Obito drags her away from the crowd, towards the Academy building. She smiles at his antics, listens to his ramblings while nodding at all the right times, but in the privacy of her mind she casts her thoughts back to Kakashi Hatake.</p><p>She wonders what would have happened to her, if the name she wore like a second skin was truly hers. Perhaps she would have been shipped out with Hatake. Perhaps they would have been teammates. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>She graduates three years later, with Obito at her side.</p><p>She is twelve then and puberty begins to take hold of her. Each morning she meticulously binds her chest, which is starting to expand. Perhaps her face looks a little older, a little more chiseled than it's supposed to at this age, but she makes up for it by collecting childish things. A butterfly clip in her braided hair, a pink chain hanging off her bag. </p><p>When she gets her period, Rin cries.</p><p>“Stop your sniffling,” Gran says, but though the words are harsh, her tone is mild. It is the first time the woman extends any sort of kindness towards her. “You're not the first girl this happened to,” she adds with a roll of her eyes.</p><p>A flash of anger. Rin scowls back at her. “Do you know what this means,” she hisses and it is not a question. “What do you think they'll do to me when they found out? It won't be a quick execution, that's for sure. And you! Do you think they'll let you off the hook?”</p><p>“Calm down.” The woman seizes her by the shoulders and forces her to lean back in the creaking kitchen chair. “Some girls get theirs early. Some late. I got mine at fifteen and it was fine.”</p><p>“I'm scared,” Rin admits, and it feels wrong somehow, to put this out in the open. “I'm so scared, Gran.”</p><p>“I know.” The woman runs her fingers through her hair. It is probably meant for another girl, for the girl whose name Rin wears. But it feels so good, that small gesture of affection. “It's all we can be, these days.”</p><p>“Why did you agree to this?”</p><p>“They have my son.”</p><p>“My – ehm, Rin's – dad?”</p><p>Gran smiles, but it is mirthless. “Yes. They sent me his ear. And if I just do this, if I just let you in, they will release him.”</p><p>They won't. But she can't tell the woman that. Her son is likely already dead, either stuffed in a mass grave or flung into the ocean for the sharks. Kiri rarely takes prisoners and it almost never keeps them. </p><p>Konoha's prisons scare Rin, but she would make sure she'd die before she would ever see the inside of a Kiri cell. </p><p>But she doesn't say that. She grabs the woman's hand and gazes up at her. “You're a brave woman,” she tells her, “to take such a risk for your son. It's admirable.”</p><p>Gran swipes a lock of hair behind her ear. “You're a brave girl.” And then, stepping back resolutely, brining her chin up, she says, “We'll be fine, you and I. We'll make it.”</p><p>Rin can almost believe her.</p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>Minato Namikaze. The Yellow flash.</p><p>He is standing before her, in all his glory, and all Rin can think about is how many strings have been pulled to get her on a team with him. He is tall and dashing and handsome, and he doesn't seem dangerous. That, Rin thinks, makes him all the scarier.</p><p>“Last stone, Obito,” he calls, waving to the boy who rolls the last boulder down the hill. “Shall we go get some dinner now? As a team?”</p><p>Obito cheers in reply. Kakashi only grunts, as he brushes past her. She watches him go out the corner of her eye. </p><p>“What do you say, Rin?” </p><p>Minato-sensei lays a hand on her shoulder, a smile tugged into his dimpled cheek. Rin smiles at him, even though she can't help but stiffen at the touch. Minato-sensei is a kind man – most of Konoha's inhabitants are – and he hasn't yet hit her. Not even when she and Obito could not snatch the bells of him in their test. Not even when she lost to Kakashi in a spar. </p><p>Sho-sensei was not as quick to forgive. Rin hasn't forgotten that. She is a quick study, when she wants to be, so she learned to duck and to grit her teeth against a new bruise. Two teachers later and she learned how to fade them, how to knit skin together with green glowing hands. But the pain was there, and along came the memories. </p><p>Minato-sensei's hand is still on her shoulder, warm and comforting. </p><p>“Want to go to Eri's Seafood?” Obito calls of his shoulder.</p><p>“No.” She is too quick to answer, too harsh in her reply and all three of her team are staring at her. But Obito only laughs. “Sorry, Rin-chan,” he chirps, “I know you don't like fish much. What about ramen?”</p><p>It is not that she doesn't like fish, Rin thinks, as she nods her consent and they set off into a different direction. Fish here is different – it is not fresh and salty. It is not caught and cooked by hardened men and women, their hands moving through the motions that have been perfected over centuries. Generation upon generation – Kiri has always been one with the sea.</p><p>Fish here is but a sad replica. The people here have never seen the reefs. Have never seen the sharks splash around at twilight. Have never gone swimming in water so deep and dark that no light can penetrate and where sound ceases to exist.</p><p>There is only one customer at the ramen stand they end up at and she looks so out of place that Rin has to look twice. Long, bright red hair, framing a symmetrical face with dark almond eyes. She is so beautiful she takes Rin's breath away.</p><p>“Kushina!” Minato-sensei's hand slides off her shoulder. He steps forward to embrace the woman, and she hugs him right back, hands flying up to tug at his spiky strands.</p><p>“So fluffy,” she crows, before her gaze snaps back to his students. Obito swallows audibly and even Kakashi seems wary. When the woman's gaze comes to lie upon Rins own face, she brings her chin up. </p><p>“How cute!” The woman releases Minato at once and pushes him to the side. She is before Rin in a second, before Rin can even think about plucking a weapon from her pouch. “What a cutie. You didn't tell me you had such sweet students, Min-chan!” Then, without further ado, she grabs Rin by the arm and begins tugging her towards a stool. “Come, you can sit with me. Us girls need to stick together,” Kushina adds, with a wink. </p><p>When, later, they sit together, all but inhaling ramen, Rin peers out over her team. Minato, sitting inbetween Kakashi and Obito – mostly to keep them from bickering, she thinks – laughing at a joke Kushina made. Obito roars with laughter, clutching at his stomach, and even Kakashi seems less stiff today. Rin thinks he might be smiling under his mask.</p><p>This could be home. It is a traitorous thought, but it follows her the entire evening, even when she makes it to Gran's house and climbs into bed. Staring down at her collection of seashells – her new hobby - she can almost feel Minato's hand on her shoulder, like a phantom touch. Kakashi pushing a set of chopsticks towards her, with a non-committal grunt, his fingers sliding across hers. Kushina's vibrant hair, brushing over her forearm, as she leaned forward to grab another bowl of ramen. Obito's beaming smile, so bright and wide it must be painful, almost burned into her retina. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>The days fall into a routine and each day Rin falls in love with this life a little more.</p><p>Her days are spend at the training grounds, from where she returns, bruised and battered, but smiling. Or else, they're off doing D-ranks. Kakashi's moods are the worst on those days, which Rin can understand. It must be degrading, being subjected to this kind of work, when you're already a Chunin. Obito is not as understanding, unfortunately, and so the days are filled with bickering.</p><p>Eventually, Rin gets used to that, too. She shares commiserating glances with Minato-sensei, who's stretched thin trying to keep them all on good terms. Obito's comments are starting to lose its bite, though, almost as if he's enjoying exchanging verbal blows with his teammate. Kakashi's comments definitely aren't, but then a little sharpness suits him best, Rin thinks. </p><p>All in all, it could be much worse. </p><p>Her reports come back slashed in red these days. Incomplete, they spell. Inadequate. More information needed.</p><p>There is a reason Rin was placed under Minato Namikaze, Konoha's rising star. There is a Hatake standing at her side, the White Fang's son no less. And an Uchiha, who will receive one of the most infamous doujutsu in time. </p><p>But she doesn't think much about Kirigakure these days. It is wrong. She is here for a reason. She must do her duty. But what is there to tell? Should she tell them that Kakashi loves eggplants? That Obito's obsession with fire jutsus is bordering on pyromania and makes Minato-sensei worry a little?</p><p>Or do they want the important information? Rin supposes she could tell them that Kakashi has a special white chakra. That Minato's Hiraishin makes him almost unstoppable. She could nick his diagrams and carefully crafted theories right of his desk, if she wanted to. “An interest in seals?” he had asked, when she squinted her eyes to discern his small, hastily written handwriting. “Kushina and I could tutor you, if you want.”</p><p>Sometimes, Rin thinks, Minato-sensei's trust in her scares her. </p><p>And then there's Kushina, who almost never goes on missions – not like Minato-sensei, who is almost never in the village, and, even then, almost never home – but trains like she is going to war. She could tell them about Minato-sensei's late night meetings. She could tell them that Sarutobi Hiruzen almost always dines with him on Saturdays, like clockwork.  </p><p>The information is endless, and it could all mean something, could help her Village, if she just had the nerve to send it away.</p><p>But Kirigakure will use it against them. Mercilessly, ruthlessly, they will wipe Konoha off the map, if they could. They would crunch Minato under their boots, would break Kakashi, would snap Obito in two. Kushina's screams would fill the night.  Rin can't give them that. </p><p>But she is here to do her duty. She must do her duty. </p><p>Of course, things come to a head. Of course, Kirigakure would not let her go like this. Rin should have known. Should have expected, anticipated – should have prepared for this.</p><p>The door to Gran's home is ajar.</p><p>Rin fishes two shirukens and one kunai out of her weapon pouch. There is one in there with the Hiraishin seal, but she doesn't know what she's dealing with yet.</p><p>Slowly, quietly, she slips inside. </p><p>The hallway is empty. So is the kitchen. But when she steps inside the living room, her gaze falls upon a trembling Gran and a man sitting in her floral armchair.</p><p>“Good evening,” the man greets in a cheerful, jovial tone. He gestures to the couch. “Come sit.”</p><p>Slowly, Rin slides into the seat and stares the man down. Her grip on her kunai is white-knuckled. </p><p>“Isn't this just nice? All gathered here together?” The man rakes a hand through his dark, cropped hair. His smile doesn't waver. “But I am here due to some unfortunate circumstances. Isn't that right, little kunoichi?”</p><p>“Why are you here?” She isn't in the mood for these games.</p><p>“Your reports,” the man says, “need to be improved. We need information we can use.”</p><p>“I don't know what to tell you,” Rin snaps. “Everything I know, I have already added to my reports. Do you think it is easy to get information on an expert jounin, like Namikaze?”</p><p>“You're lying.” The man's fingers draw cotton circles on the arms of the chair. He is still smiling. “You want to do your Village proud, don't you, little Kunoichi? You want to do your parents proud, too. I believe your father hasn't been really happy with you recently.”</p><p>Gran lets out a squeak, before falling silent. The sound of their breathing fills the room. Rin closes her eyes, and tightens her grip on her weapons. She can feel the metal give way a little, as her chakra seeps into them.</p><p>“What did you do to him?” she asks, when she finds she can speak again. Her eyes burn, but she can't cry here. Not in front of this monster.</p><p>“I'm afraid he was so shocked by your poor performance that his heart couldn't handle it,” the man says. “My condolences,” he adds, his smile widening. She wants to scratch it off his face. She wants to scratch it bloody. “Your brothers are deeply saddened by this news. But they are alive. For now.”</p><p>Rin stares at him. The man nods once. “I believe my message is clear,” he says, as he rises to his feet, and dusts himself off, making a great show of picking imaginary lint off his sleeves. “Don't disappoint us again, little kunoichi.”And with that, he steps out the living room, and out the door. </p><p>Gran begins to sob. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>Rin Nohara's first official kill is when she is ten, as is Obito's. The latter cries a little and throws up two times. Kakashi's comments are so scathing that Minato tells him to get firewood. “Now,” he adds, with an undertone of steel that Rin has only ever heard him use on the battlefield. Kakashi glares up at him, but does slip away, and she can't help but feel grateful.</p><p>“You did really well, Obito-kun,” she tells her friend. She tugs the bloodied kunai out of his hands, prying it from his white-knuckled grip. </p><p>“Thanks,” he mumbles. In the dark, his eyes are big and glittering. She doesn't want him to start crying again. </p><p>“You saved us,” she adds, as she slings an arm around his shoulder and starts walking towards their tents, where Kakashi is building a fire. He looks up when they arrive, mouth opening to say something, but Rin silences him with a look. “And you're a real shinobi now, Obito! You were so brave.”</p><p>“You too, Rin-chan,” he says. “You really showed that Iwa nin who's boss. And you healed me. You're so cool.”</p><p>She laughs at that. “Not as cool as you. That trap with those shiruken was inspired. And your fireball – did you see how they scrambled?”</p><p>“As if Obito could ever be cool,” Kakashi snorts. Rin frowns at him, wondering how he could ever say such a thing to his clearly distraught teammate. But then Obito rears up, spittle flying from his lips, “Shut up, Bakashi. I'm about a million times cooler than you!”</p><p>“Ha. You wish.”</p><p>“Just wait until I activate my Sharingan, Bakashi! Then I'll surpass even you!”</p><p>Rin lets out a sigh. She will just leave her boys to it. Though she doesn't necessarily agree with Kakashi's method of cheering Obito up, she can't deny its effectiveness. There is a smirk playing around Kakashi's mouth and Obito's face has relaxed in its usual lines. Gone is the anxiety and the guilt she had noticed just a few moments before.</p><p>By the tents, she empties her weapon pouch and sets to cleaning her kunai. Obito and Kakashi are still going, by the sounds of it. The sound of rustling cloth alerts her and she looks up. </p><p>Minato-sensei sits down next to her. “How are you, Rin?” he asks, and there is a seriousness to his voice that makes her consider his question.</p><p>She is fine. The squirt of blood, and the way the Iwa kunoichi's flesh had parted beneath her blade, had taken her back for a moment, all the way to Kiri. It had been years since she had been on the battlefield. But she can't tell him that her first kill had been when she was six, and her sensei had put a kunai in her hand. “You always finish the job,” he'd said, staring down her nose at her. The wound on his cheek was sluggishly oozing blood. “You don't let you prey alive. They can enact revenge. They can give details and coordinates to their respective authorities. So you always finish. Tell me, what do you do?”</p><p>“Always finish,” she had squeaked. </p><p>“Exactly.” With that, he gave her a light push towards the man on the ground. He was staring up at her with glassy eyes, muttering a stream of words under his breath. As she got closer, she could hear that he was begging. “Please, please, don't. I have a girl at home. Please, we'll be a family. Please. Please, don't, don't-”</p><p>One jab, and it was over. </p><p>Minato-sensei is still looking at her. “Fine,” she says. “A little shaken up,” she adds, when his frown grows severe. “But ultimately fine.”</p><p>“It's okay not to be. To not be fine.”</p><p>“We're shinobi, sensei,” Rin says. “We do our duty. Always.”</p><p>Minato-sensei lets out a heavy sigh. Then he pats his knees and shoots to his feet. Ruffling Rin's hair, he says, “I'm going to check on the boys and make them do something productive instead of yelling each other's ears off.”</p><p>“I'll get started on dinner,” Rin says. She grabs her bag and starts rummaging in it for the spice set she'd bought from the Akimichi market. </p><p>“Rin.” Sensei's serious tone brings her gaze up to him. “You can always come to me, if you're not fine. But I have to say, you did well today. You'll go far.”</p><p>I already have, Rin thinks, but doesn't say. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>Obito is going to die.</p><p>Rin knows this. And yet her hands won't move. She stares down at his body, almost entirely crushed under the rubble. </p><p>“Rin,” he says, and his voice is weak, sounds nothing like the Obito she knows. “Use your medical ninjutsu. Take the entire eye and transplant it.* Please, Rin.”</p><p>Her hands won't move. If she were a good Kiri shinobi, she would refuse. The Sharingan would die here, and it would be one less enemy for her village. But she is neither a good Kiri or Konoha nin. What she can be is a good teammate.</p><p>It is a testiment to the faith her teammates have in her and her medical jutsu that they ask this of her. Eye operations, especially ones out in the field, where she has nothing but her own hands and chakra, are nothing to sniff at. </p><p> Her hands glow green and she starts on disconnecting the nerves behind Obito's eyes. He moans and screams as she works, and eventually passes out, but she can't stop now. The eye, especially one with such an intricate doujutsu, is extremely fragile. She does her best to numb most of the pain signals, but enemies are surrounding her and she is almost out of chakra from fighting against Iwa's genjutsu. She has to work quickly. </p><p>When she is done, Kakashi blinks tears and blood out of his new eye, and Obito is conscious again. “Protect her,” he says, his voice hoarse. “Protect Rin.”</p><p>Obito dies that day. And a piece of Rins own soul chips off and dies too.</p><p>It is Minato-sensei that saves them. Kakashi passes out and she runs green glowing hands over him, but it is just a bout of chakra exhaustion.</p><p>“What happened?” her sensei asks, and she has no idea how to answer. It is my fault, she wants to say, I got captured by those ninja from Iwagakure. Obito is dead because of me.</p><p>What comes out is her mission report. Objective and without emotion or judgement. This is what she can do. Let Minato-sensei draw his own conclusions.</p><p>When she is done, Minato inhales deeply and is silent for a long moment. A peek up at his face tells her nothing; it's blank, and his eyes are fixed on something in the distance. She wants him to roar, to get in her face and yell at her. She wants him to shake her so hard her teeth rattle, let him snap her bones. This is what she deserves.</p><p>When he speaks again, it is in a low, even voice. “Are you injured?”</p><p>“N-No.” Her arms and middle sting a little, there where the robes chafed the skin right off. She is low on chakra from the medical procedure, and she is still covered in blood. Obito's blood. Obito's blood stains her hands.</p><p>“Why don't you get yourself cleaned up?” Minato-sensei says. “I'll watch over Kakashi here.” He pats the boy's head, but his eyelids don't even flutter.</p><p>“Sure,” she says, and slips off to the nearby creek. There, Rin stares down at her reflection and realizes she doesn't quite know who stares back at her.</p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>Obito dies and their team falls apart.</p><p>Kakashi loses himself to his grief. He spends days in front of the memorial stone, unmoving, as their former classmates tell her. Guy, Kakashi self-proclaimed rival, visits her in the hospital one day.“He's blaming himself for Obito's death.”</p><p>He should blame me, Rin thinks, as she runs a diagnostic jutsu over Guy's shins. “Just a sprain,” she  says and before he's out the door, she adds, “Keep an eye on him, will you?”</p><p>“I will,” Guy says solemnly. “But my eternal rival has to be with his family right now. In other words, you and Namikaze-san.”</p><p>“I'll try.”</p><p>And she does. But Konoha is at war, and medics are always needed. Plus, Rin is a chunin now and her team is incomplete, which means she gets placed on new teams again and again. Kakashi never visits her on his own accord. He probably doesn't want to see her.</p><p>Minato-sensei isn't any different. He's away at the front most of the time, or else meeting with the high officials. He's rising in rank and esteem, Rin hears. “I saw him with my rival last week,” Guy says, as she heals his broken arm. “I was filled with joy at the sight.”</p><p>Rin knows she should be happy. But Minato-sensei never walks through that door. Never comes to visit her for a little chat. He too must blame her.</p><p>They are right. Obito is dead because of her. At night she dreams about him. They sit together on Kiri's beaches, run through Konoha's dark forests. In her dreams, they are happy and there is no war. In her dreams, he picks flowers for her, and she makes necklaces of seashells for him. </p><p>When she wakes up, there is a brief moment of complete, utter bliss – before she remembers it isn't real. Before she remembers he's dead.</p><p>“Rin Nohara?” Her new assistant is a Hyuga medic. He is at least two years older than her, with long, brown hair. His eyes are lilac. “I heard a great deal about you.”</p><p>“I can't imagine what,” Rin says and raises an eyebrow. “And you are?”</p><p>“Hideki Hyuga, at your service,” he says. “And you really don't know? Your name gets mentioned a lot around here. In the hospital, I mean.”</p><p>“Er,” Rin says. She rolls two scalpels around in her palm. “In a good way?”</p><p>Hideki practically goggles at her. “Of course in a good way,” he says. “You're talented. You're so young and already a chunin. And you did an eye operation – on a doujutsu no less – all alone in a hostile area, surrounded by enemies. If that isn't impressive, I don't know what is.”</p><p>“Er,” she says again. “I didn't know anyone knew about that.”</p><p>“Everybody knows. I was so excited to meet you, y'know.” Hideki blinks his big eyes at her. “You're a real celebrity here.”</p><p>“I didn't know,” Rin admits and then wonders what else she missed. This really isn't the mark of a good shinobi, but in between her hospital shifts, her missions, and her grief, there is no time for anything else. Plus, none of this is important for her reports to Kirigakure. “Nobody told me it was that impressive.”</p><p>“Nobody? Not even your team?”</p><p>“I don't really have a team anymore,” Rin says. Out in the open like that, she realizes it might be true. Maybe Team Minato truly is over. Maybe Obito was the link that held them together. She will just have to resign herself to that, and keep reminding herself over and over again. </p><p>But then Kushina knocks on her door. </p><p>She is standing there, in the rain, her long, red locks straggled and knotted and soaking wet. Behind her are Minato-sensei and Kakashi. Rin stares long and hard at them, blinking twice.</p><p>“Are you going to let us in?” Kushina demands, before pushing past her. Minato-sensei steps inside after her, muttering an apology. </p><p>“O-kay,” Kushina says, when they are all crowding Rin's living room. Gran isn't home today, for which Rin is grateful. “Sit your butts down, because this can't go on like this.”</p><p>“What?” Rin asks, as she slides into a seat. “I don't understand what's going on here.”</p><p>“Neither do I,” Kakashi mutters and it is the first time in a long while she has seen him, let alone speak.</p><p>“Obito is dead,” Kushina says flatly and the announcement echoes through the room. Rin is certain Minato-sensei stopped breathing beside her. “Nothing can change that fact. But we're here. We're breathing. Alive. Obito wouldn't want us to carry on like this.”</p><p>She whirls towards the couch. Rin leans back at once, but Kushina points to Sensei. “Minato!” she barks. “When was the last time you took me on a date?”</p><p>Minato-sensei sputters in response, but Kushina beats him to it. “When was the last time you had a team meeting? You let Kakashi waste himself away in front of that memorial stone, like it's going to change something. You let Rin-chan work herself to death in the hospital. I won't have it! You're their sensei and you have a responsibility.”</p><p>The room is silent. Minato-sensei is so stiff beside her that she's afraid he's going to break if she gives him a little nudge. But then he hunches forward, interlacing his fingers under his chin. “You're right, Kushina, as always.” He inhales deeply and then nods. “I have failed you, Kakashi. And you, Rin.”</p><p>“What,” Rin says. “Of course not, no -”</p><p>“What are you talking about, Sensei -” Kakashi is rigid in his chair. </p><p>“I should have been there for you after Obito's death. I wasn't.” Minato shakes his head. “In that, I have failed.”</p><p>Rin opens her mouth, but there are no words. Instead, it is Kakashi who speaks. “Obito is dead because of me.” </p><p>There is a moment of stillness, of shock, before everything erupts. Minato-sensei violently jerks his head from side to side. Kushina snarls protests. Rin brings up her hands. “If anyone is at fault for Obito's death, it should be me,” she says loudly. When their stares snap to her, she doesn't let herself wilt. “I got captured by those Iwa nin. I got Obito crushed.”</p><p>“No,” Minato-sensei says, and it is the voice of a leader. Looking at him now, with a straightened back and a glint of utter determination in his eyes, Rin can understand why his name is being dropped everywhere. “I won't be surprised if he'll rise to Hokage in a few years,” Hideki had confided to her. “The Clan Elders keep talking about him.”</p><p>“It is my fault. I was too late. I should have never let you on that mission with no backup. I am to blame.”</p><p>“Nobody's to blame,” Kushina says softly. “Obito died because of circumstances. Maybe it would have been different if Rin didn't get captured, or you were earlier, Min-chan. But you don't know that. Obito died, but not because of anyone here. He died because he was a shinobi and because an Iwa nin killed him. That's it.”</p><p>Kushina sighs and rakes a hand through her long hair. “I blamed myself for many deaths. For my sensei's. For my teammate's. For Uzushio.” She brings her gaze up, her dark eyes almost glowing in their sockets. “Sometimes people just die. But we're here and Obito would want us to live. To be happy. Please, be happy.”</p><p>Rin's eyes burn. And then Minato's arm comes up around her shoulders, tugging her against his side and he does the same with Kakashi, who lets out a noise of protest. And in front of them, vibrant and colorful, Kushina stands, grinning. </p><p>For the first time in a long while, Rin feels happy. </p><p>-0</p><p>All the things we will become</p><p>-0</p><p>She can feel the beast in her belly. Its chakra burns through her coils. </p><p>There is a choice to be made, she thinks, as she watches Kakashi tear through the group of Kiri nin. Even with his mask on, she can read him. The anguish on his face is as plain as day.</p><p>Where is Minato-sensei? But even as she scans the treeline, the Sanbi making her body tremble, she knows he's not coming. They are alone here, and there is a choice to be made.</p><p>“Kakashi.” She tries to speak, but it comes out as a croak and he doesn't seem to hear it. Electricity is building up in his palm, as he whips his head around, too much white visible in his eyes.</p><p>She knows what she must do. She has her orders now. Don't disappoint me, her father had said, all the way back in Kiri. He'd stood in their living room, salt on their tongue, one hand resting on a fishing net. He'd looked ancient that day, with too deep worry lines in his forehead and prominent scarring by his left eye, rendering it blind. She'd known that it was likely that she would never see him again, but he hadn't reached out to her. Hadn't even tried to comfort or touch her in anyway.</p><p>Kirigakure has no love left to give.</p><p>The Konoha headband sits on her head, and it fits like Kiri's has never done before. Even though it's traitorous, even though it's wrong, Rin loves Konoha. Its Hashirama trees, its buildings, its warmth – Minato-sensei hugging her close after her Chunin exam. Kushina working away in the kitchen at a new recipe, smiling over her shoulder. Kakashi, playing with his ninken, his eye creased in a smile. Obito, when he was still alive – beautiful and strong in every way.</p><p>There is a choice to be made. And as the world erupts in the chirping of birds, and blue light spreads over Kakashi's cheeks, lightning writhing and sparking like a living creature, Rin makes it.</p><p>She has never been this sure.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*: this sentence is straight from the anime. </p><p>I hope you liked it. It was a super weird concept - Rin as a infiltrator from Kirigakure - but it didn't let me go. I realize Rin is pretty OOC. Still, if you enjoyed it, consider leaving a review!</p><p>Thank you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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